A famous quote by the historian Will Durant: a nation is born stoic and dies epicurean. The definition of a stoic is a person who can endure pain or hardship without complaining. When stoics are challenged, they won’t express dissatisfaction, they’ll endure, persevere and stick to the goal. This is how nations are created. They are willing to overcome obstacles to reach the ultimate objective.
Stoics believe that you must forgo the present luxuries in the hopes of receiving something better in the future. In a sense they’re investors, investing in the future. Sacrificing the present for a better tomorrow. Epicureans, meanwhile, hold the belief that humans should live for the “now”. They should enjoy life to the fullest for tomorrow they could die. This is also reflected in the modern world as YOLO (You Only Live Once).
Stoic vs Epicurean
When a nation is born, the founding fathers of that nation are people who believe in stoicism and are ready to sacrifice their today for a better tomorrow. The moment the future generation starts enjoying their today without investing in their tomorrow marks the beginning of the end. This holds true not only for “nations” but for every aspect of life. Businesses, healthy relationships, active lifestyles are all started by stoics, and fail when those stoics become epicureans. Successful businesses, similar to successful nations, are built by those who sacrifice the comfort of mediocrity for a future gain. This also means that nations, businesses, and goals fall apart when they are in the hands of epicureans.
While a healthy balance between the two is good to have, people today need to be stoic more than ever. Stoicism is all about toughening up. You certainly need to be brave in order to invest in your tomorrow and endure the pain of sacrifice. With the rise of social media, the increased quality of life, and the instant gratification that comes with technology, people have become delicate and sensitive. In order to have complete control of your life, business, fitness, studies, or relationships, you need to have a tough mindset.
I would like to share with you a fascinating story. It’s a story so mesmerizing that left me with goosebumps when I first read it. This is the story of the first woman to have ever lifted a sword in battle against the enemies of Islam. This is the story of Nusaybah bint Ka’b ؓ a.k.a Umme Ammarah ؓ. Read the following story with the intent of learning strength from her. Also, recognize the courage she displayed to sacrifice her today for a better tomorrow.
Enter Nusaybah Bint Ka’b ؓ
She participated in the battle of Uhud (the 2nd major war in Islam) as a medic. She would go around the battlefield with a water bag and would distribute water to those in need. That was her duty, nothing more. Muslims had the upper hand for the majority of the battle, but as the end approached the other party started gaining momentum and launched an all-out attack on Rasulullah ﷺ. Rumors started circling around that Rasulullah ﷺ had been killed.
During the attack on Rasulullah ﷺ, Nusaybah ؓ was near that location. The moment she saw that Rasulullah ﷺ was being attacked she threw her water bag and grabbed a sword from the ground and rushed to protect Rasulullah ﷺ. Rasulullah ﷺ himself stated later that ‘Whether it was to the right or to the left, in whichever direction I turned I saw Ummu Ammaara ؓ fighting in my defense. She fought bravely and fearlessly on that day, with little training or experience. The cost of protecting Rasulullah ﷺ from an onslaught resulted in many injuries, one of which left a deep wound on her shoulder.
Let’s clarify that Nusaybah ؓ did not participate as a warrior rather as a medic. When she witnessed the assault on Rasulullah ﷺ she had a choice to make. Whether to turn away and go about her business or to seize the opportunity and to display courage. She took an initiative to sacrifice her today for a better tomorrow, and she was tough enough to make that choice.
Principle Learned
The choices that will lead to a better future may seem difficult and terrifying but you have to disassociate from the present moment and be stoic. If you do not let your emotions get the best of you you’ll be tough. Remember this, your dreams die when you become weak and they are fulfilled by someone tougher than you. All it takes to start your journey and stick to it till the end is a tough mindset.
With all that being said, the only question that remains to be answered is how can one be tough? In the story on Nusaybah ؓ, we learned the reward of being tough and the benefit of sacrificing current luxuries for a better tomorrow. However, how does one build that toughness and that attitude? Well, the answer to that is pretty simple. Build toughness in other aspects of your life until it becomes one of your habits. Until it becomes who you are. Just as we discussed in one of my previous blogs, toughness is not being tough in one situation or the other, rather you have to embody it. You need to become tough and start sacrificing your current comforts in all aspects of life. Once you’ve achieved that innate toughness then when it truly is the time to make a decision that will change the course of your life, you’ll be tough enough to do so!
Let me present to you some aspects of our lives that have been weakened by technology and instant gratification. With technology, you’re always presented with a choice to make, and without even giving the slightest of thoughts you chose the easy way out and subconsciously become dependent on that technology. Subliminally It gains control over you rather than being the other way around.
Areas In Life To Practice Toughness
- Phone
Let’s start with the most obvious one, smartphones. If I were to ask you how long you can refrain from checking your phone, what would be your answer? I want you to take time and try to answer this question. Test this out with whatever time you’ve decided. Stay away from your phone for that period of time, and see if you hypothesized correctly.
Ask yourself this question, have you become so dependent that you can’t stay away from a technological device for a couple of hours? Understand who’s really the master in this situation. The phone or you? Who’s in control of the phone. If the phone starts becoming the master, take action to change that. Be tough enough to restrict the time you spend on it. An entire article can be written only on how to build toughness by reducing the usage of your phone.
- Car
How many times have you had to go to the depanneur, gas station or the supermarket right around the corner? How many times have you opted to walk instead of drive? Why is that? Have you become that dependent on technology? I hate to come across as harsh but this is a reality we need to face. We are all so dependent on automation and advancement, that we don’t even entertain the idea of doing things another other way.
Imagine the mental toughness you’ll build by walking out in the cold (you thought you were exempted to take a car in winter?). It’s -25 outside and you have to get milk and you are faced with the choice to take the car or to walk. If you choose to walk, the psychological effect that the walking will leave you with is unimaginable. With every step you take comes the decision of taking the next step. It makes you into a tougher person!
- Money
Now then, onto some financial advice. When you finally get your paycheck, fight the urge to spend it on items that you want but don’t need. toughen up. mess with your brain and rewire it to be your slave and not the other way around. Do not act impulsively. You are not at the mercy of your whim. At first fighting, impulses won’t seem like that big of a deal, but rest assured a time will come where you’ll be in complete control and command over your desires. Don’t you want that type of liberty and freedom in your life?
- Uncomfortable Situations
You should thrive and be content to be in uncomfortable situations. You need to accustom yourself to it. Hence, when you are faced with making a difficult decision you won’t hesitate. There are many ways to increase toughness in uncomfortable situations. One such way is to deliberately put yourself in those situations. For example, taking a cold shower. When you take a cold shower you increase the reliability factor by sticking to it even if you don’t want to and as uncomfortable as it may be. There are countless other benefits of a cold shower. Physiological and psychological ones. Most of all it’ll help you to be brave in uncomfortable situations.
Next time you don’t want to do something, just do it. If you’re not feeling the burn you’re probably not lifting a heavy enough weight to make your muscles stronger. Do push-ups, take the stairs, try sleeping on the floor (build slowly), fast for a couple of days (outside of Ramadan too) or do a difficult math problem. Use it or lose it, that’s the penalty of not toughening up and hardening up.
- Failure
In every facet of life, there will be times you’ll feel that the situation has deteriorated and that you have failed. But understand that from these failures you’ll grow stronger and tougher than ever before. Picture this, you’re in a war in the medieval era. You’re inside a trench. Who would you like to have next to you? someone who has his body covered with battle scars or a newbie, whose body indicates that he has no prior experience. You will definitely feel safer with the individual who has scars. All of your failures are these battle scars on you, which make you tougher. Above all, the people around you are drawn closer to you. When you fail you should feel this is one of the battle scars that will turn you into a warrior. Be excited about it. Don’t freak out. You should embrace it.
Conclusion
In order to put the principle to work, you can do the following today. Ask yourself in what area of your life have you gotten the weakest? What are the simple steps you can take to toughen up? You should focus on that for a couple of days to rewire your brain until it becomes a part of who you are. Remember, with every step you take comes the choice to take the next. Get going and love the grind. Start by being tough in other areas of life, then slowly but surely it’ll become one of your habits.